Short answer: US federal law does not require employers to give bereavement leave. Policies are set by your employer, and some states have their own rules. Check your handbook and ask HR, then confirm with your state labor department. Ask early, in writing, and consider sick, vacation or unpaid time.
This page offers general information and cannot replace professional care. If you are in crisis, call or text 988 (US Suicide and Crisis Lifeline).
Does the law require bereavement leave?
At the federal level in the US, no. There is no federal law that requires private employers to provide paid or unpaid bereavement leave. The federal Family and Medical Leave Act covers certain serious health conditions and family situations, but it is generally not a bereavement law. It may matter if you or a family member has a qualifying health condition, so ask HR.
Employer policy and, in some places, state or local law may offer more. Rules differ and change, so we do not list them here. Check with your state labor department and your employer to see what applies to you.
Verify for your situation
This is general information, not legal advice. Your employer handbook, your HR team, your union contract if you have one, and your state labor department are the best sources.
What should I check before I ask?
- Employee handbook or HR portalLook for bereavement, funeral, family or compassionate leave.
- Who counts as familyPolicies often name spouse, parent, child and sibling, and may differ for others.
- How many days, and paid or unpaid
- Whether the days are consecutive or flexible
- Whether proof is requiredSome employers ask for an obituary or service program.
- Whether travel time is counted
- Other optionsSick leave, paid time off, vacation, unpaid leave or remote work.
- Union agreement or contract terms, if any
Your state labor department website or office can tell you whether any state or local rules apply.
How do I ask for time off?
Contact your manager or HR as soon as you can, by phone or email. Keep it short. You do not have to share details. Put the request in writing so there is a record.
| Step | Example wording |
|---|---|
| Tell them what happened | "I am sorry to share that my father has passed away." |
| State what you need | "I would like to take leave starting Monday. I expect to be away about a week but will confirm." |
| Ask about policy | "Could you tell me what bereavement or other leave is available to me?" |
| Offer a handoff | "I will leave notes on my open projects and am reachable for urgent questions on Thursday." |
| Confirm in writing | "Thank you. To confirm, I will be out from Monday to Friday." |
If the funeral date is not yet set, give a rough estimate and update as you learn more.
What if my employer gives less time than I need?
- Ask to combine bereavement days with sick, vacation or paid time off.
- Ask for a short unpaid leave or a flexible schedule.
- Ask about remote or reduced hours for a few weeks.
- Talk with a manager you trust about a gradual return.
- Ask if your employer offers an employee assistance program with free counseling.
- If you have a health condition related to stress or grief, speak with your doctor about options.
If you believe you are being treated unfairly, contact HR, your union representative, your state labor department or an employment attorney. Keep your requests and replies in writing.
How can I return to work gently?
Grief can affect focus, sleep and energy for weeks or months. Be kind to yourself. Consider these steps.
- Tell your manager what helps, such as lighter duties for a week.
- Decide in advance how you will answer coworkers who ask how you are.
- Plan short breaks and a quiet place to step away.
- Keep your calendar light around anniversaries and important dates.
- Use counseling or support groups if you find work difficult.
Our grief and family therapy section can help you find support, and our after-life checklist lists tasks that often fall on the same weeks.
What should I know about pay and benefits during leave?
If your time off is unpaid, ask HR how it affects your health insurance, retirement contributions and attendance records. Ask whether you may use accrued sick or vacation hours so you still receive pay.
- Will I be paid for these days?
- Can I use sick leave for a family death?
- Does unpaid leave affect my benefits?
- Is there a limit on how many days I can take?
- Can the days be taken later, for a memorial or ceremony?
- Who approves the request?
Get answers in writing when you can.
What if I am self-employed, a gig worker or a student?
There may be no employer policy to rely on. Plan what you can: let clients know early, ask for deadline extensions, and arrange coverage if possible. A short, honest note usually earns understanding.
Students can contact their instructors, advisor or dean of students. Many schools offer excused absences, extensions or counseling for a death in the family, though policies differ, so ask your school directly.
Whatever your situation, give yourself more time than you think you need. Grief is real work, and rest is part of it.
Frequently asked questions
Is bereavement leave paid?
It depends on your employer. Some offer paid days, others offer unpaid time or let you use sick or vacation leave.
Does federal law guarantee time off for a funeral?
No. There is no US federal requirement for bereavement leave. Check your employer's policy and your state's rules.
Who counts as immediate family?
Each employer defines this. Many include spouse, parents, children and siblings, but the list varies, so check your policy.
Can I be asked for proof?
Some employers do, such as an obituary or program. Ask HR what they need.
How much time off work can I take after a death in the family?
The amount of time off depends on your employer and your state, because no federal law requires paid bereavement leave. Many employers offer a few days for immediate family, and a small number of states have their own bereavement leave laws. You may be able to use sick leave, vacation, or unpaid leave. The Family and Medical Leave Act generally does not cover bereavement alone. What to do: read your employee handbook, tell your manager as soon as you can, ask human resources about options, and confirm any approval in writing.
When should I send thank-you notes after a funeral?
There is no strict deadline for thank-you notes after a funeral, and most families send them within a few weeks to a few months as they are able. A short handwritten note naming the gift or kindness is plenty. Printed cards are also acceptable, and a phone call or message works for close friends. People understand that the family is grieving. What to do: keep a list of gifts, flowers, and helpers as they arrive, write a few notes at a time, and ask a relative to help if the task feels heavy.
How do I tell relatives and friends about a death?
Telling people is easier when you divide it into small steps. Start with those closest to your loved one by phone, then ask a few trusted people to pass the news to wider circles. A brief message can give the date, any known service details, and a note about whether the family prefers calls, texts, or cards. Social media can be used once close family has been told. What to do: write a short script, keep a list of who has been told, and ask a friend to manage replies so you can rest.
What if my siblings disagree about funeral arrangements?
When siblings disagree, the most helpful step is to slow down, listen to each person, and look for shared priorities. Start with what your loved one wanted, if they left any wishes, and which parts of the plan matter most to each person. A neutral third party such as clergy, a funeral director, or a family counselor can help. Some state laws also set an order of who has authority. What to do: hold one calm conversation, write down points of agreement, and consider splitting the decisions so each person leads one part. This is general information, not legal advice.
Who has the legal right to make funeral decisions?
The legal right to make funeral decisions usually belongs to a person named in a written document, or otherwise to the closest relatives in an order set by state law. A common order is a named agent, spouse, adult children, parents, then siblings, though rules vary by state. A will may name someone, but wills are sometimes read after the funeral. What to do: look for written instructions or a named agent, ask the funeral home which order applies in your state, and consult an attorney if relatives disagree or there is no clear person.
How do I plan a funeral from far away?
You can plan a funeral from a distance by working with a local funeral home by phone and email, and asking one person nearby to be your eyes and ears. Many tasks, such as signing authorizations, choosing options, and paying, can be done electronically. Ask for a written list of choices and prices. Livestreaming can help relatives who cannot travel. What to do: designate a local friend or relative to meet the provider if needed, ask the funeral home about electronic signatures, and book travel after the service date is confirmed.