Short answer: The first holidays, birthdays and anniversary often feel hard. There is no right way to get through them. You can keep a tradition, change it, or skip it. Plan a little in advance, tell people what you need, and keep the day simple. Reach out for support if it feels like too much.
This page offers general information and cannot replace professional care. If you are in crisis, call or text 988 (US Suicide and Crisis Lifeline).
How can I plan for a hard day?
- Decide ahead of time what you want, and tell family. Plans can change on the day.
- Keep one tradition, change one, and let one go.
- Do not feel you must be cheerful. It is fine to cry or to laugh.
- Have a way out: a friend you can call, or a quiet room.
- Ask others to remember too. Many people are afraid to bring it up.
What are some gentle ways to remember?
Light a candle
At a meal or at a set time.
Cook their favorite dish
Or order it from a favorite place.
Tell a story
Ask each person at the table to share one.
Visit a place
A grave, a park, a favorite bench or the sea.
Write a letter
To them, or about them. Keep it or not.
Do something kind
A donation or a small act of service in their name.
A short online page can also hold their name and a few words. See our memorial pages.
When should I ask for more help?
Grief is not a problem to fix, but sometimes it becomes too heavy to carry alone. If you cannot eat or sleep for long stretches, or you feel hopeless, talk to a doctor, counselor or someone you trust. This page is information only and does not diagnose or treat.
If you are in crisis
Call or text 988 (US Suicide and Crisis Lifeline) at any hour.
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal for anniversaries to be hard?
Many people find birthdays, holidays and the anniversary of a death painful. This is common, and it can happen in later years too.
Should I keep our family traditions?
You can keep them, change them or pause them. There is no right answer. Talk with the family and decide what feels manageable this year.
Can I send a card or gift to someone grieving on an anniversary?
Yes. A short note saying you remember is often welcome. See our page on helping others.
How do we handle the first anniversary and holidays after a loss?
The first anniversary and holidays can bring strong feelings, and it helps to plan rather than hope the day passes quietly. Some families keep a tradition, light a candle, visit the cemetery, share stories, or do something kind in the person's name. Others prefer a quiet day. It is normal for grief to return around meaningful dates. What to do: decide ahead of time what feels right, tell friends and family what you need, give yourself permission to change plans, and reach out to a counselor or support group if the day feels overwhelming.
How do I notify banks and close accounts after a death?
Begin by contacting each bank with a certified death certificate and asking what they need to retitle or close the accounts. Many banks have a department for deceased accounts and will explain the paperwork. Do not close accounts until you know whether the estate needs them open for bills or deposits. Joint accounts and accounts with named beneficiaries are often handled differently. What to do: make a list of accounts, notify each institution in writing, ask for the process in writing, and consult the estate attorney before paying debts from personal funds.
What is a good order for handling an estate after a death?
A common order is to secure the home and property, obtain death certificates, locate the will, notify key agencies and institutions, and then work with an attorney on probate if needed. Pay urgent bills such as mortgage and insurance, keep records, and avoid distributing assets until debts and taxes are addressed. Each state has its own rules and deadlines, and the process often takes longer than families expect. What to do: make a simple checklist, keep all receipts in one folder, and consult an estate attorney early to confirm your responsibilities. This is general information, not legal advice.
Who needs a certified copy of the death certificate?
Several institutions typically ask for a certified copy of the death certificate, and keeping a list helps you order the right number. Common requests come from life insurance companies, banks, pension and retirement plan administrators, the Social Security Administration, motor vehicle offices, property and title transfers, and brokerage firms. Some will accept a copy for notification only. What to do: make a list of the institutions you must contact, ask each whether they need an original or accept a copy, and keep the certified copies in a labeled folder so you can send them out in order.
How do I report a death to Social Security?
Report the death to the Social Security Administration as soon as practical, and the funeral home often does this for you if you provide the person's Social Security number. If you are not sure it was done, call to confirm. Benefits paid for the month of death generally may need to be returned, and a surviving spouse or child may be eligible for survivor benefits or a small lump-sum payment. What to do: call the agency's national number, have a death certificate ready, ask about survivor benefits, and keep a note of the date and the name of the person you spoke with.
What happens to social media and digital accounts after someone passes away?
Many online platforms offer ways to memorialize or close an account when the person has passed away, and policies differ from one service to the next. Some require a death certificate and proof of relationship, and some allow a designated legacy contact if the person set one up. Email, cloud storage, and photos may hold important records and memories. What to do: make a list of accounts you know about, check each platform's help page for deceased user requests, download photos and files before closing anything, and avoid accessing accounts in ways that violate the terms of service or state law.