Short answer: Children usually cope best when a caring adult is honest, uses clear words that match their age, keeps routines steady and lets them show feelings in their own way. Reactions vary and can come and go for years. If distress is severe or lasts, call your child's doctor or a mental health professional.
This page offers general information and cannot replace professional care. If you are in crisis, call or text 988 (US Suicide and Crisis Lifeline).
How do I explain death in plain language?
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends being clear and honest and using words that match the child's age and development. Short, concrete sentences work well. The examples below are our own wording. Adapt them to your family and beliefs.
| Age group | What children this age often understand | An example you could adapt |
|---|---|---|
| Preschool (about 3 to 5) | May see death as temporary and reversible. | "Grandpa died. His body stopped working and it cannot start again. He is not in pain. We will miss him, and I am here with you." |
| Early school age (about 6 to 9) | Starting to think more like adults about death, but may believe it will not happen to people they know. | "Mom died because her illness was too strong for the doctors to fix. It was nobody's fault. You can ask me anything." |
| Preteens (about 10 to 12) | Understand that death is permanent, and may worry about who will care for them. | "Dad died in the accident. It is okay to be sad or angry. Here is who will take care of you each day." |
| Teens | Understand fully, may hide feelings or grieve privately, and may feel guilt over past arguments. | "I am wondering which part of this is hardest for you. You do not have to talk now. I will check in again." |
- Use the words "died" and "dead" along with warm, simple explanations.
- Answer questions honestly. It is fine to say "I do not know."
- Say clearly that the death was not the child's fault. Younger children can believe their thoughts or wishes caused it.
- Repeat the conversation. Children often ask the same questions many times.
What reactions are normal?
There is no single pattern. Children may seem fine one hour and upset the next, and feelings can return around birthdays, holidays and milestones, sometimes years later. The AAP notes that children will not simply get over a death within months, but support now helps them cope better later.
- Sadness, anger, worry or confusion.
- Acting younger for a while, needing more cuddling or attention.
- Trouble sleeping or changes in eating.
- Play that acts out the death.
- Hiding feelings to protect parents, which is common in older children.
Funerals and memorials
A child who is frightened about attending a service should not be forced to go. Consider another way to remember the person, such as lighting a candle, telling a story or making a scrapbook. For help with services, see our guide on what to say at a funeral.
How do I talk with school?
Grief can affect attention, behavior and grades. Letting school staff know can help them respond with care. Ask older children for permission and respect their privacy.
- Tell a trusted adult at schoolA teacher, school counselor, school psychologist or nurse.
- Share only what your child is comfortable withYou can keep details brief.
- Ask about flexibilityExtra time on assignments, a quiet place to take a break, a plan for hard days.
- Ask how the school will handle remindersAnniversaries, Mother's or Father's Day activities and similar events.
- Check in again after a few weeksNeeds often change.
When should I seek professional support?
The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry lists signs that a child may be having serious problems with grief. If they last, professional help may be needed.
- A long period of sadness in which the child loses interest in daily activities.
- Inability to sleep, loss of appetite, or prolonged fear of being alone.
- Acting much younger for an extended period.
- Believing they are talking to or seeing the person who died for an extended time.
- Repeated statements about wanting to join the person who died.
- Withdrawing from friends.
- A sharp drop in school performance or refusing to go to school.
If your child talks about wanting to die or hurt themselves
Take it seriously. Call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org, or call 911 in an emergency. You can also call your child's doctor right away.
A good first step is your child's pediatrician or family doctor, who can screen for health concerns and refer you to grief counseling or community programs such as support groups and camps for grieving children. This site does not diagnose or treat. See our guide to finding a licensed therapist for how to check credentials.
Frequently asked questions
Should my child go to the funeral?
Many children benefit from being included when they are prepared and supported, but a child who is frightened should not be forced. Offer a choice, explain what will happen, and name an adult who can stay with them.
Is it okay to cry in front of my child?
Showing sadness can show a child that feelings are okay to have. You can say you are sad and that you are taking care of them.
My teen seems fine. Should I worry?
Older children often hide grief. Do not assume they are fine because they seem calm. Check in gently and more than once.
Where can families find peer support?
The Dougy Center, a nonprofit in Portland, Oregon, offers peer grief support and resources for children, teens and families and lists programs. Your pediatrician and local hospice may also know of local programs.
How do I explain a death to a child?
Child specialists generally recommend using simple, honest, and plain words with children, such as saying that the person died and that their body stopped working. Avoid phrases like went to sleep or went away, which can confuse or frighten a child. Answer questions truthfully at the child's level, and repeat explanations as needed because children often ask again. Reassure them that they are loved and cared for. What to do: choose a calm moment, use short sentences, let the child express feelings in words or play, and consult a pediatrician or child grief counselor for guidance.
When should I seek professional help for grief?
Consider professional help when grief feels unmanageable, lasts with the same intensity for a long time, or interferes with daily life, work, or relationships. Warning signs include being unable to function, using alcohol or drugs to cope, intense guilt, or ongoing difficulty accepting the loss more than about a year after. Persistent, disabling grief is sometimes called prolonged grief and can be treated. What to do: talk with your doctor or a licensed therapist who has experience with grief, and tell someone you trust how you are feeling so they can support you.
Where can I find a grief support group?
Grief support groups are offered by hospices, hospitals, houses of worship, community centers, and nonprofit organizations, and many are free. Hospices often welcome bereaved families even if their loved one was not a hospice patient. Online groups and phone support can help if you cannot travel. Some groups focus on specific losses, such as a spouse, a child, or a loss by suicide. What to ask: ask the group about its schedule, format, cost, and whether it is open to new members, and try more than one group to find a good fit.
What does normal grief look like?
Normal grief can include sadness, anger, guilt, numbness, trouble sleeping, changes in appetite, and difficulty concentrating, and it often comes in waves. There is no single right way or timeline to grieve, and people in the same family may respond differently. Cultural and personal factors shape how grief is shown. Many people notice that the intensity gradually softens, even when the loss stays with them. What to do: keep simple routines, eat and rest as you can, lean on supportive people, and consider speaking with a counselor if you feel stuck or worried about how you are coping.
How long does grief last?
Grief has no fixed length, and for many people it changes in intensity over months and years rather than ending on a certain date. The first months are often the hardest, and difficult moments can return on anniversaries and holidays. Some people feel more able to function after a few months, while others need more time. The relationship, the circumstances, and personal support all matter. What to do: be patient with yourself, avoid comparing your timeline to others, and reach out for help if your grief stays overwhelming or prevents you from daily life.
What is family grief therapy and how can it help?
Family grief therapy is counseling in which relatives work with a trained therapist to understand and support each other after a loss. It can help when family members grieve in different ways, when communication has broken down, or when children are struggling. A therapist helps create a safe space to share feelings and decide how to move forward together. Sessions may be in person or online. What to ask: ask a prospective therapist about their training in grief and family work, their fees, whether insurance is accepted, and how many sessions are typically recommended.