Short answer: Keep decor simple and personal: one or two flower arrangements, a photo display, a memory table and good seating. Confirm the venue's rules on candles and setup, ask for itemized prices, and assign one person to arrive early and set up. Small touches usually matter more than large ones.
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How do I choose flowers?
- Pick one main arrangement and let others add to it. Guests and friends often send their own.
- Seasonal flowers are usually easier to find and gentler on budget.
- Check allergies and scent. Strong lilies can bother some guests.
- Consider alternatives: a potted plant, a tree, or a donation in the person's name.
- Ask whether the family prefers flowers or donations, and say so in the notice.
What goes on a memory table or photo display?
- A main portraitChoose a clear, recent photo where they look like themselves.
- Six to twenty photos across lifePrinted at home or at a local shop; simple frames or a board.
- Objects that tell a storyA hat, a tool, a book, a medal.
- A guest book or cardsOffer pens and a place to leave a note.
- A short sign or cardA few words about who they were.
A looping slideshow on a screen works well at a reception. Keep the volume low and the pace slow.
What about candles, seating and the venue?
| Item | What to check |
|---|---|
| Candles | Ask the venue if open flames are allowed. Battery candles are a safe backup. |
| Seating | Reserve the front rows for close family. Leave aisle space for wheelchairs and walkers. |
| Sound | Test the microphone and the music before guests arrive. |
| Access | Check parking, step-free entry, restrooms and signage. |
| Setup time | Ask when you can enter and when you must leave. |
| Weather | For outdoor services, plan a shelter, shade or a backup room. |
How do I keep the cost under control?
Florists and venues set their own prices, so ask for itemized quotes. Bringing your own photos, borrowing items and using seasonal flowers are common ways to save. See our guide to funeral costs for what is often extra.
If you use a funeral home, ask what is included in their general price list. Flowers and printed items from outside providers are usually priced separately.
Related services
- Traditional funeral services: steps, choices and costsHow a traditional funeral works: visitation, service, procession and burial. What is optional, what drives cost, and your rights when buying a casket.See this service →
- Memorial services and celebrations of lifeA memorial service honors someone without the body present. Learn about timing, venues, formats, what it costs to host one and how to plan it calmly.See this service →
- Cremation services: options, process and costHow cremation works, cremation cost, how direct cremation differs from cremation with a service, what prices include, and your rights under the FTC Funeral Rule.See this service →
Frequently asked questions
Do I need flowers at all?
No. Many families choose a plant, a tree, or donations instead. Do what fits the person and your budget.
Can flowers go to the cemetery?
Often yes, but cemeteries have their own rules about types and timing. Ask before you order.
How early should someone arrive to set up?
Plan for at least an hour, and confirm access with the venue first.
What should happen to the flowers afterward?
Families often take them home, share them with guests, or donate them to care homes. Ask the venue and florist what is possible.
What happens at a funeral service, and what is the usual order?
A funeral service usually follows a simple order that the family can adapt, and the officiant or funeral director can guide it. A common sequence is a welcome, music, a reading or prayer, a eulogy or remembrances, a closing blessing, and a procession. A committal at the cemetery often follows for burial. Some services include a slideshow or shared memories. Ceremonies vary by faith, culture, and personal wishes. What to do: choose a few elements that matter most, ask the officiant about timing, and share a printed program so guests know what to expect.
What is the difference between a funeral, a memorial service, and a celebration of life?
A funeral generally takes place soon after a death, often with the body present, while a memorial service happens with or without the body and can be held later. A celebration of life is a more informal gathering that focuses on the person's personality and stories, often with food, music, and photos. Any of them can be held in a place of worship, a funeral home, a home, or a park. What to do: pick the style that feels right to your family, set a date that allows travel, and tell guests the tone and dress you have in mind.
What music works for a funeral or memorial service?
Music at a funeral can be religious, classical, folk, or a favorite song of your loved one, and there are few rules. Many services include one song at the start, one during a reflection, and one at the end. Live musicians, a recorded playlist, or a congregation singing together are all common choices. Some venues have rules about volume or equipment. What to ask: ask the funeral home or venue what audio equipment is available, whether live musicians are welcome, and whether licensing or fees apply, then give the final song list to the officiant in advance.
Can we livestream a funeral for relatives who cannot travel?
Yes, many funeral homes and venues offer livestreaming or recording, and some families set up their own with a phone or camera. It helps relatives who live far away or cannot travel for health reasons. Check the venue's policy, internet connection, and any fee. Choose a private link rather than a public post, and tell guests so they are comfortable. What to ask: ask the funeral home whether livestreaming is offered, what it costs, whether a recording will be provided afterward, and who will operate the camera so the family does not have to.
What is proper etiquette for sending flowers, and what are the alternatives?
Sending flowers is a traditional way to express sympathy, and it is also fine to choose a donation or other gesture. Flowers can be sent to the funeral home or the family's home, and a card with your name helps the family keep track. Many obituaries mention a preferred charity, and a donation in the person's name is a welcome option. Food, a handwritten note, or an offer to help is also valued. What to do: check the obituary for the family's wishes, and ask the funeral home about delivery times and whether flowers can be taken to the cemetery afterward.
What should I wear to a funeral?
Dress in a way that is respectful and modest, and dark or muted colors are the usual choice, though many families now welcome other colors. Some families request a favorite color or casual clothing to honor the person's style. Faith traditions can have specific expectations, such as covered shoulders or head coverings. When in doubt, choose clean, comfortable, conservative clothes. What to do: read the obituary or invitation for any dress request, ask a family member if you are unsure, and bring a light layer since venues can be warm or cool.